Have Nasal Sex

many have rejoiced at the coming of nasal sex ... or not

Nasal sex

nose...

Nasal Sex: The very words can conjure fascinating (and horrific) images in one's mind. As joked about as it may be, nasal sex is an honorable (and enjoyable) pastime. However, very few in recent memory have attempted this art form, condemning it to a graveyard of horrible comic books and failed punchlines. In this age of AIDS, the thought of a nosebleed during nasal intercourse may frighten you to the point of abstinence. You should not be frightened thus. With a few proper precautions, such as the application of a condom, you and your partner may fully enjoy the experience and joy of safe nasal sex. What thought is as erotic as the one of a 14" phallus projecting into the huge, moist nostrils of a diva such as Barbara Streisand? None that come readily to MY mind. With that note out of the way, let's explore this much-maligned pleasure.

Step one : Foreplay

This is obviously very important, as it is a rare partner indeed who will participate in such a taboo thing as nose penetration with no objections. But by following this handy guide, you should be able to have a willing and ready partner, ready to share in and enjoy the experience:

1) Get your partner alone, and make sure he/she is sexually aroused.

2) Once alone with your partner, compliment him/her on what BIG, BEAUTIFUL nostrils they have. (If you plan to be on the receiving end, refer subtly to the "Extra Opportunities" open to people with big noses and those who date them).

3) Commence a back, neck, or body rub with your partner, fondling their various fleshy areas. Kiss your partner gently on various parts of their body, finally coming to the mouth. After spending a few minutes sucking your partner's face, gently tease the septum with the tip of your tongue. Fresh breath is very important! If you're still in the game, make the great leap: With a deft, sexy motion, slip your tongue into their nasal cavity. Your partner's reaction may be one of revulsion (or extreme amusement). If so, calm them down and just say that good things are to come. Continue to keep the tongue in motion inside the nose, going deeper and deeper, until your partner begins to moan in anticipation. He/She is ready. (If you are to be the receiving end, after you've licked your partner to passion, then have them lick your nose out. Then proceed).

Step Two : Lubrication

lube up goooood....

If you are still with us we will continue with the steps.

By the time you are ready to apply lubrication for the impending act, you and/or your partner's nose has already been moderately lubricated with its natural lubricants (snot, phlegm, and saliva). However, a project of the magnitude of fitting a full-sized penis into a hole rarely larger than a dime usually needs a bit of practical help. Read: Lubrication. So follow these easy steps:

1) Get a container of your favorite high-velocity lubricant (Vaseline, surfboard wax, etc) and put a liberal portion on your index and middle fingers.

2) With a gentle, snaking yet forward motion, angle the two fingers into yours or your partner's nostrils. Gently work the fingers around inside, coating every clear spot with your lubricant of choice.

3) Lovingly remove your fingers, lingering over sensitive nasal spots such as the sinus spots. The nose is ready for penetration.

Penetration

Now you are ready for the beginning of the real fun. You and/or your partner's nose has been adequately prepared and excited by the sinus foreplay and is open for invasion by the penis. So now you begin your `Move':

1) Go into a position comfortable for both of you. The oft-preferred nasal position is the missionary, much like the conventional sexual position, in which the receiving end lies on his/her back, and the other partner, in a crouched sitting position, inserts the penis into the nasal cavity. Other popular positions include the kneeling position, the upside-down position, and the difficult positions such as the "Durante" and "Danny Thomas" positions. These are not for the amateur, so watch out! Several lung collapses have resulted from the "Danny", and Hallucinations of Hollywood's glorious past have been associated with the rush of euphoria from the "Durante" position, resulting in delusions of grandeur and subsequent rejection of your partner. Let the thrill-seeker beware!

2) Take it slowly at first, as it is unlikely that your partner is used to this sort of action. This will allow the nostrils to enlarge naturally. However, for two experienced partners, this is fully a matter of taste and choice. The Sky's the limit!

3) Try to sustain for awhile to ensure continued pleasure for both. The novice will probably experience the problems of either premature ejaculation or failure to come at all. Well, premature ejaculation will probably subside after the first few times, and failure to come could work to your advantage, prolonging the experience. If these problems persist, however, I recommend a psychiatrist or some self-help books. That should help you.

4) When you cum, it is important to take your partner's wishes in consideration. Many people may not like having a huge stream of semen shot into their sinuses, so you must decide whether to pull out or not. After all, the sight of someone blowing their nose and your cum coming out may turn you off. But some people, especially speed addicts and others who like snorting things through their nose, may enjoy it. It's all a matter of taste.

5) In the aftermath, you may want to compliment your partner on what a nice larynx or tonsils she has, or how you felt the world move (cigarette optional). The receiving end may have had a rather intense sinus orgasm as well, so she/he probably had as good a time as the other partner.