Ask Someone Out

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Asking a Guy Out (For Girls)

Times are changing, with second (and maybe third) wave feminism, women have more freedom than ever before. Gone are the days when women must sit at home waiting for a man to call! Now she can take her cell phone with her and sit elsewhere! But seriously, it has become acceptable for women to ask men out, but don't let this fool you, the rules are different for women and if you don't follow them you might end up crying your eyes out and reading "He's Just Not That Into You." Granted, that might happen anyway, but hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Finding A Guy

This is the easy part. Guys are everywhere, and almost all of them want to be asked out, in fact, are begging for it. More difficult is finding a guy whom YOU want to ask out. Your best bet, then, is not a bar, but instead a cafe, library, park, coffee shop, etc. Even better than these are places where you will have something in common already, like at a specialty gym, your yoga class, or the science fiction section of the bookstore.

Starting the Conversation

There are a few possibilities here, you could go with the standard "Hi," or a more adventurous tactic such as "Hey Eric, I never knew that you came here." It does not matter that his name is not Eric (although if it is, that is a great conversation starter), you just need to get the ball rolling. Approach guys in a non-sketchy, non-sexual way if what you are looking for is not a one-night stand. Better to engage them in conversation, preferably topical. If you're in a music store, talk about music, coffee in a coffee shop, etc, but try to stay with stuff you know; there's nothing worse than looking like a moronic jackass who just admitted that you listen to the Spice Girls when you're at a Metallica concert.

Let Him Do Some of the Work

Another option is to let him come to you. This is more challenging. You need to be the master of sending discreet, but not too discreet signals. For instance: smiling at him every day, too discreet. Grabbing his ass as you walk by every day: not discreet enough. Try to find some middle ground here. A good idea is to practice your flirting skills on someone harmless and build up gradually, like the coffee boy, your waiter, the guy behind the ticket counter, and so on. Who knows, you might find out that they are truly interesting people, or that at least have a 6-pack. Either or.

Unleash Yourself

After you've built up your skills do a few test runs. Go somewhere you've never been before and wouldn't mind never going back to. The aquarium is a good place for this. Walk around, do whatever activity the place requires, and then when you spot a likely candidate standing alone, walk up and stand next to him. Look at the same thing for a while before making some general comment like "When you watch dolphins play, don't you wonder what they're thinking?" Except less lame. I have faith in you, you can do better than this. Hopefully he'll pick up the bait and say something in return, then voila, conversation. If he doesn't, or if something horribly embarrassing happens (like making the dolphin comment) you never have to go back, and no one will be any the wiser.

The Conversation

Women hate it when guys use lines. Guys, however, do not hate it when women use lines. Many find it cute, or are just massively relieved that they did not have to do anything to initiate conversation. This does not mean saying things like "your shirt looks really nice on you, of course it would look better on my floor." No, it means that saying "come here often?" Is not the death knell to conversation that you might think. Once you've started speaking, its a good idea to have something to say. This does not mean sit in front of your mirror endlessly practicing conversational gambits the way that you once used to practice kissing your hand (admit it, you know you did it). Think of a few amusing things that have happened to/around you recently, a book you've read, a movie you've watched etc, and have something interesting to say about it. WARNING: steer clear of monopolizing the conversation by talking entirely about your life, your friends, etc, or sharing too many personal details, but also don't ask too many questions of the guy. Your best bet is to keep the conversation about something light and general, like pop culture, or art. Also keep in mind that he absolutely does not have to agree with everything you say, or like what you like, after all, what fun would the conversation be if he just agreed with you constantly? If you wanted that you'd have gotten a dog. On the other hand if you wanted someone who would treat you with disdain and ignore your opinions, then you'd have gotten a cat.

Closing The Deal

Here's the gut-wrenching part: actually asking, but don't worry, there's a formula to this too.

  1. Make sure that you leave first, don't let him get bored with the conversation. In the best of all possible worlds you leave him wanting more.
  2. When you're about to go (off to do something fun and interesting, or at least have such an activity to lie about) say something light and flirty such as: "Hey, it was great meeting you, we should go for coffee sometime." Keep it simple and keep it non-committal.
  3. If the reaction is positive, ask if you can get his number. If it is not, say, "Oh well, great meeting you anyways, have a nice day." Be gracious no matter what! It is good practice for when you do meet an interesting guy.
  4. DO NOT CALL THAT NIGHT! Give at least two days, but no more than four. Call at a time that is not terribly inconvenient, preferrably between 6 and 10pm so that he is presumably not at work, nor asleep. If he picks up and is busy, ask if you can call back later, but don't push it. If he's not interested, he's not, you don't want a guy that you have to chase in addition to asking out.
  5. Enjoy the fruits of your labor. Remember, you can always repeat this, and just because one guy is married, sketchy, or not interested does not mean that you have failed. In fact, every guy that you successfully approach and talk to is good practice.