Lose Your Virginity
So, you want to lose your virginity? Before you do so, there are some things that have to be considered. (This article is adressing girls, but hey boys, you are invited to read this as well just to make sure you know what's going on in her mind.)
A few important points
- Make sure this is really what YOU want and not what you think he or your friends or society or whoever is expecting from you.
- You will most likely remember the first time for the rest of your life. Don't let this scare you, but you should think about who you are doing it with. This doesn't mean that the boy has to be the love of your life, but he should be someone you trust, who makes you feel good with yourself and who wants you to enjoy it. If he is telling you that you have to sleep with him or he will leave you or anything of this sort, he is probably not the one.
- Learn about your body. I don't mean reading up on it in some anatomy book, although this might help, but to spend time with yourself and find out what you like. If you have never masturbated before, it is high time you do that now. If you have done it before, you might still want to take your time and find out which other areas of your body are sensible and how you would like to be touched.
- Try to bring yourself to speak to your partner about how you like it. You might feel embarrased at first, but guys can not just know what you want. Even if he is more experienced and thinks he knows it all, every woman is different, and it will just be so much more fun for both of you if you are able to communicate what feels best for you. (Many girls I know are still not able to do that, even at 25, so don't worry if it's a little hard at the beginning.)
- Think about birth control and discuss this with your partner. Even if this is your fist time, you can still become pregnant, or get yourself some nasty sexually-transmitted disease that will spoil the fun for quite some time.
- Plan it. Although it is not a good idea to say: I'll do it this Sunday afternoon no matter what, you should still plan a little ahead. Get your contraceptive and some lubricant (make sure its a water-based one if you're using condoms) and think about what kind of music puts you at ease. Place all this close to your bed or wherever you are likely to be when you are ready for it. Of course your first time can also be in the back of a car or wherever you like, but I personally think that your or your friends bed is the place to be. It is just more comfortable than some changing cubicle and you will feel more relaxed in a familiar environment.
- Take your time. As I said, it is not wise to set yourself a fixed date, because you will put youself under pressure and then you are likely to become nervous and cramped. But when you feel you're ready for it, try to find some time when you are sure you won't be interrupted and just start kissing and making out like you always do. You might want to lighten some candles and put on music to make it more romantic, but that's up to you.
- Make sure you are wet enough and don't hesitate to tell him to wait if you are not. He will understand, and if he doesn't, he might just not be the right guy to do this with. If you are nervous, you might not get as wet as you want even if you feel really ready. In this case, and/or if you're using condoms, use the lubricant. Put some of it on your vagina and his penis and all becomes much easier. There is no such thing as too much lubricant.
- If you saw any porn movies, forget about what these people did. When you are more experienced, thrushing hard might feel wonderful for you, but right now your vagina has not adjusted to the size of his penis yet. Try to do it nice and slow. If your hymen is still intact, it will probably hurt when it bursts. Even if you broke it before, for example by doing sports, the first time is likely to hurt a little bit just because you are not used to this size.
- While at it, kissing and stroking helps to relax. If it doesn't work the first time, don't worry. This is normal and the best way to get over it is to just laugh about it, keep on making out and try again when you feel like it. This might be ten minutes later or the next day, just don't think you have to do it now to prove anything.
- Most likely it will not last very long, especially if it is the first time for him as well. After he came (you will probably not, or at least I never heard of a woman who came at her first time), take your time, hug and kiss and try to make this moment last. If you are using condoms, make sure he takes it off and cleans his penis before it comes anywher near your vagina. Do NOT ask him what he thinks. Most men think nothing at all after having sex and you will just be disappointed by the answer.
- Don't be frustrated if your first time was not what you dreamed it to be or how you read about it in some romance novel. It never is. Take this as the first step to getting to know your body and that of your partner and look forward to the next time, when you will already feel more sure of yourself and will enjoy it more and more every time.