Put on a Condom

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So You're About to Have Sex...

Congratulations. And good choice on using a condom: the only time you should not be using one is if you're in a stable relationship with other reliable means of birth control, or if you're deliberately inducing pregnancy.

Before You Put on a Condom

  1. Find a toilet and urinate: this will clear the urethra of any leftover sperm or semen from previous masturbations or other sexual activities. In addition, you won't have to worry about peeing while having sex.
  2. Make sure the condom you have is one which is marked to adequate safety standards (In Britain, they have the BS EN 600 "Kite Mark" on them, which looks like a heart with an "S" in the middle), and that it has not expired from having it in your wallet for three years "Just in case".
  3. If you're not using a lubricated condom, get a lubricant. Remember that oil-based products are known to erode condoms: no "Vasaline" or "Petroleum Jelly." Use a water-based lubricant, like "Astroglide" or "KY." If you don't have some form of lubrication, expect to chaffe: and that hurts. Why do you think vaginas are warm and wet? Take away the wet: you will not enjoy the experience.

Putting on the Condom

  1. Make sure you are fully erect: otherwise, the condom will most likely fall off. If you are uncircumcized, pull back your foreskin from the head of the penis.
  2. Condoms have a tendency to roll on one-way, but that way isn't exactly labeled. If you roll it on and it feels "short," take it off and replace it with a new one: something isn't right, and it will probably fall off during sex. If you are prodigious in precum and slather the rubber while putting it on, you may need to rinse it off or replace the rubber: there is continued debate as to how often sperm is present.
  3. A good condom should fit snug, yet not too tight: if you look around online, you can get sized condoms. Too small: not enjoyable, and may break. Too big: you'll have to hold it the whole time, or it will fall off.

The Sex Act

Very simple: hold on to the condom when you enter your partner; their body should hold it on for you once you're there. If you feel it coming off, don't be afraid to check it: better safe than sorry.

Endgame

After ejaculation, remove your penis while holding the condom. Keep your penis and condom away from your partner until you can dispose the condom and wash off the penis.

Using condoms for oral sex

Yes, fellatio can transmit HIV and other nasties. If you want to use a condom for oral sex, get one of the bigger varieties (e.g. Magnum), and make sure it is NOT pre-lubricated. Put a lot of lube (preferably warmed in a hand first) inside the condom and go to town. Using a bigger, thinner one (polyeurethane is best as it carries heat better) is crucial, as it increases movement and the feeling of friction. If you won't be using a condom, try to make sure no ejaculate winds up in the mouth (it's fun to watch!).

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